So many things at once. The most pressing on my mind is Grandad. His health. Tomorrow we will be meeting a panel of doctors to discuss his condition and the options open to us.
My aunt is a subset of this problem. She is completely useless as an ally because of her emotive outbursts everytime she talks to me. Love is not a factor in this equation, because even though I love her very much, she often drags my mood downhill with her and saps me of my strength. At a time when I am struggling to cope with everything at once, I simply cannot be allowed to let myself go with the tears and rants I so desperately want to be able to give into, too.
I am dreading meeting her tomorrow. I love her. So much that I feel what she feels and it kills me too.
I am bottling up everything on the inside even though on the surface it seems like cool, clear glass. Although I know bottling up is no good in the long run, I don't see how I can continue to face the day, everyday, if I just let myself go.
It is times like this that I selfishly envy other people of their mothers. How nice it would be to have a confidante! Someone who is 100% for you, on your side, supportive of you! Loving you! Encouraging you!
Secondary to all this is my load of assignments and other freelance projects. I am looking to Him for wisdom. Wisdom to cope. Wisdom to overcome. Wisdom to excel. Wisdom to deal with all that is happening.
I know in many ways I am blessed. And bad things happen when they happen. Why is it so hard to tell yourself the same advice you tell others?
- 23 August 2006 2:15pm -
1 comment:
Dear Ai-chan,
I have many troubles, but I am very blessed to have so many friends around me, and so many people who care about me :) Like you!
Sometimes I miss my mother, but I always tell myself she is happier in heaven now :)
Yes, I have also been praying my grandfather will get better :)
Although life is short, life is also meaningless without those we love and care about. This is why everyday, I try to make at least one person smile :)
Maybe then, in a small but meaningful way, my own life will be worthwhile living :)
♡
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